Review:The Magnificent Seven

The Magnificent Seven

Not the best movie of the year. Probably not the best western you have ever seen. But still, it somehow manages to finds it’s way into becoming fairly entertaining for well over two full hours. That in itself is pretty amazing, or magnificent, if you prefer.

     Seven mismatched misanthrope’s meet up to save a town. Each one comes with his own baggage and his own specific s(kill) set. The main cowboy gunslinger dude is played by none other than Denzel Washington, and he is as smooth a sharpshooter as you have never seen. He naturally has his own reasons for taking on this impossible job, but we don’t find that out until after the conflict plays itself out. He just didn’t seem like the kind of cowboy that would take on a suicide mission just for the sake of gold. Yes, he has his reasons, and he also is a damn good recruiter, because he manages to pull together a nice little party of murderous misfits to help him tackle the task. The task at hand, is to take back a small mining town from a sociopathic land baron with gold nuggets for eyes and the blackest of coal for a soul. Naturally our bad guy isn’t giving up without a fight; he hires an army. This is the story in a nutshell. It is mostly a bit predictable, with the possible exception of the audience (us) not knowing which one of the magnificent seven is going to make to the sequel. They all can’t, where’s the suspense in that?

     Lot’s of killing. Quite a variety of manners of killing, but lot’s and lot’s of killing nonetheless. It almost reminds you of the evening news, with a different setting, time zone, and instead of Lester Holt we get Denzel and the boys. One of the seven is an Indian, who looks about as Indian as my hairy Italian grandfather, but who am I to fact check. The whole thing quickly turns into one big chaotic murderous brouhaha. The entire massacre and back story take place in what appears to be your typical hollywood simulated western mining town. I suppose that’s one way to keep the budget in check; when you gotta pay the big bucks to Denzel, you have to skimp somewhere. Occasionally, we do get the grand vision of big sky country, thus justifying the I-MAX designation, but this is no “Dancing With Wolves”.

     I don’t know, go see the damn thing if you like cheesy westerns, if you’re really bored, or if you want to impress your date with how much money you are willing to waste on movies that are mediocre. Nothing impresses an insignificant other more than a movie with a predictable plot, and a box of overpriced popcorn with simulated butter particles. Throw in some gummie clusters…and you’re getting to second base faster than a washed up rodeo clown on crystal meth. It ain’t bad… it just ain’t really great…one thing it definitely ain’t….is magnificent.

This is the Wisdom of the Smyth.

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Reviews

Money Monster

Let’s get right to it, this is a damn good movie. I give it a whole bucket load of stars, spoons, gummie waffles,  smiling imoji faces, or for that matter, any symbol you prefer for your movie rating system. It’s a pretty decent flick, the entire staff (me) here at the loop-hole.com actually agreed on this one– you  should check it out. George Clooney does a very convincing job as Lee Gates, the narcissistic stock adviser with a television show. While Jack O’Connell performs brilliantly as Kyle Budwell, the man who takes over the show with a handgun and jihadist style bomb vest  he forces Clooneys character to wear. I have to admit the whole shit-show takes a very unrealistic turn, when they all go marching down Main st. in search of the C.E.O. douchebag who ripped off stockholders for 800 million bucks. But hey it’s not a documentary, because in real life the police would probably fuck things up a lot worse and a whole bunch of innocent black people would get killed….or maybe not. Anywhoo, the movie is good, you should check it out, especially if you are like me and just plain ole’ tired of watching grown ass men in tights doing a lousy job of pretending to be really pissed off at one another–sorry, that’s a different movie for a different review. Let’s get back to this one. I did enjoy the plot twist, and the incorporated social commentary about greedy Wall St. assholes, about trigger happy police, about mass media, and about the public’s ability to forget things very quickly, those are all worthy topics which is exactly why I really liked this movie. I give it three bloody band-aids and a tampon.