Easy Living

AN ASS FOR EVERY SEAT

What I am about to tell you is a secret. So don’t go sharing this with every Tom, Dick and Horatio that you have encrypted on your smartphone. Before I tell you this great mysterious secret, I first must confess that I used to be a ticket scalper. That’s right, I was the guy who slept out all night, sometimes during a snow storm, just to get good seats for my favorite rock concert. I mean I have seen them all–Stones, The Who, Pink Floyd, and the list goes on and on. I would always buy extra seats so I could sell them for a profit. I never got rich doing this, I mean I made much more selling weed, but I did always get awesome seats for myself and for my friends.

If any of you remember, just about any show you went to, you could find people walking around the venue trying to pimp off their extra seats. Have you been to any shows at the Civic Center (XL) lately? If you have you will notice that what used to be a common phenomenon is now extremely rare. I thought scalping was legal?  Well actually it is, but only if it is done in a civilized manner over the internet. Businesses like Ticket world and others now scoop up the great seats, with the hopes of reselling them for a large profit.

So what happens when they buy these awesome seats and can’t find enough suckers to pay the extortion tax? I’ll tell you what happens. They are not allowed to send some lonely degenerate down to the venue to hawk them like cotton candy. So they stay empty. That’s right, wipe the steam off your reading glasses, this is the reality. Now let me be clear here–this will not work for every show. Certain shows that maybe would sell out in fifteen minutes flat back in the day, but because milleniulls don’t care so much about classic rock n’roll, might not be willing to pay top dollar for, are perfect for this technique. So what you my favorite loop-hole readers should do is, depending on the venue, and the band, buy the cheapest seats you can get straight from the box office. Then when the lights go dim take a good look around the whole coliseum for an entire section of empty seats, they will probably be closer than you imagine. If the band start’s and all those seats stay empty, you can bet your bottom dollar, the scalping agency couldn’t move them–those are your new seats.

How do I know this works? Well honestly I stopped going to concerts when the prices went past thirty bucks, but I gave this advice to an acquaintance who did exactly that with the last Eagles show that came to Hartford. I got the biggest thank you in the world. He said he bought the crappiest tickets an hour before the show and just like I said, as soon as the band started he scoped out the empty section, which happened to be the first section right on the side of the stage, and made himself and his date comfortable. He told me four entire rows were empty. Four rows in a prime section are not empty because someone just couldn’t make it. Four rows in a prime section were empty because Mr. Johnie Scalper Dude couldn’t find a buyer and got stuck with them. These new laws that created rich internet ticket pimps, is also creating opportunities for old rock n’rollers looking for a loophole.